Monday, February 1, 2010

The Last Renaissance Man

Though it's happened oft before
We'll protect you evermore
Should Poseidon close the gate
To Atlantis, we won't wait

I was very much lost in a sea of thought all day. I had the most vivid dream of you last night, I could feel you and smell you, taste you, hear you, every contour, your piercing eyes, that unmistakable voice - I know it the minute I hear it, I've always known it??? In my dream you were sitting on my bed, talking to me as I slept, it was not erotic, you kissed me but it was comforting? I even jumped.. upright, bolt upright, in a very profuse sweat. You are so deeply embedded within my soul, it's scaring me, no one has had that ability to read me, ever, the way you do. It's akin to an astral attack? It's also a cross to bear, I guess... I am yet to figure out why we have been thrown together like this, but it's there somewhere, and I will work it out. You know a dream has the power to poison sleep, one wandering thought pollutes the day, we feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep. Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away, I don't know, why, but I sensed pain in your voice today, I knew it "obviously" from your email, then your lack of a delete button, something. But by the time we signed off on our call, I sensed a sad change in you that was not apparent when we began talking. Was it my admission to my ere over the weekend? I have to accept what is inside and cultivate it, or I will go insane. The fact remains, I cannot even look at an image of you without falling into a trance. I know you do not really need to know this, as you already do know it. I think therefore I am. That was easy. Now that I am here what ? Looking for meaning is an every day challenge. For me that is about my most important question. Meaning? We all have to seek our own meaning. I sometimes find myself and others confusing enjoyment/happiness with meaning. Loving relations can give life enjoyment and meaning to individuals, but it can't be the meaning of life. I fear the true meaning of life, if any will elude us all. What meaning we give life as individuals is inherently unimportant except to ourselves. Existence itself is too profound for me to try to find it's meaning, but I seem to look for it any way. The paradox of reality is that no image is as compelling as the one which exists only in the mind's eye. Coincidences do not exist. Whenever you think you are facing a coincidence, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong. Ugh. SHUT UP!!! I have been reading a lot lately, the usual mind-expanding consciousness-warping books, it shows huh? But my books are living breathing organisms, I swear.

Meanwhile I remain to pick up the pieces of my shattered illusion
She will be on the proverbial invisible bridge, over the proverbial neverending chasm.
A waiter approaches and asks Miss Sam what she would like for breakfast, "I'll just have the poke in the eye thanks!", seems the easiest option today
I will remain to save another day though I think
Maybe I will devise a society of neo-hedonists
Decadence and DeSade,
Throw in some Pan for good measure
Ugh

Maybe you can join us and recite your sweet, sweet poems to me all day and all night long? I will play the pipes as you dance.

Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm
For love is strong as death, jealously is cruel as the grave
The coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it
I am knowledge, and ignorance
I am shameless, I am ashamed
I am strength, and I am fear
I am senseless, and I am wise
I am the silence that is incomprehensible
And the idea whose rememberance is frequent
Look upon me you who reflect upon me
and you hearers hear me
You who are waiting for me take me to yourselves
For I am the first and the last
I am the honored one and the scorned one
I am the whore, and the holy one
As the Ancient Ones knew, the time has come
The nierika is opening, and we pass on to the sun
And I love you
Only you for my time here
There is only you now
We are on the knife-edge balance of destiny
The royal pair mingled in love again
And afterward lay revelling in stories
Hers of the siege her beauty stood at home
From arrogant suitors, crowding on her sight
He told of what hard blows he had dealt to others
And of what blows he had taken
All that story
Now hear me, men of Ithaka
When these hard deeds were done
The immortal gods were not far off
I saw with my own eyes someone divine who fought
Beside him, in the shape and dress of Mentor
It was a god who shone
A god who swept the suitors down the hall dying in droves
And o'er the past Oblivion stretch her wing
The minds of the everlasting gods are not changed suddenly